"words aren't enough"

first day after 4 years

i know i left with no good words, i know i left with anger in the heart. i never wanted to be that way when i was supposed to make it better. i told i never give up, i told that i still wanna fight after all those tears left me hanging, i told that i'm gonna chase you back til the end if ever i'm losing us one day. but that first day has come.. i never wanted to make any decision without thinking of what's gonna happen in the future. i screwed things up i guess, i wasn't enough in your eyes. & i tried to be the person you craved for but, i wasn't enough in your eyes after all.. you were all that i wanted, i put away all your flaws & i see all the good in you. but you weren't doing the same as what i did, you see my flaws & you find it hard to accept.. 

it begins with flaws & weaknesses. i accept yours but you don't do the same. i'm letting us go, & i have no idea if this is good.. but someday, if you change & you're looking for me, i will always be here. not saying that i'm gonna wait but i'm saying you have the good in you & i know you deserve another chance. 

questions by questions

where are you? where have you been? where were you when i needed you the most? what were you doing when i was in my difficult time? where's the question of "how you're doing today? are you ok?"? you're not here you're not everywhere & if you're really here i don't feel the presence. who should i count to? where's the promises to stay through thick & thin? where's the words saying that you'll be the star to always shine my day? what happen to your "i'll be your guidance"? you left me here you left me everywhere & you left me speechless i couldn't ask for anything else i felt like i wasn't fit in that. why are you making me feel this way when you're supposed to be the person to make me feel secure? you've turned your self around from being a protector, from being my clown. 

i'm all by myself hiding everything in, letting it all out during my sujood & pretending i'm ok just so people think i'm really fine. 

just to fit in the situation, you'll never know what's happening, you'll pretend you're doing everything right & then behind, you're hurting a girl you thought you would never hurt..