life has been great this past few days. but there's still times where life messed me up. and most of the time, i don't know what has got into me that i just feel like life is a mess. you know there're a lot of happy things happen to me now. for sure that comes from all those moments i've been waiting for. like giving someone a chance to enter my life for the last time, one of it. now i believe that, all this time i was being too patient waiting for good things to come and i finally got it. but i ain't sure if this is going to stay. i'm hoping for things that happen now to stay. but i know i shouldn't get my hopes high that in the end, every single thing isn't worth. i'm tired. i'm tired of things happened in the past. i'm tired of those who treated me like i wasn't good enough for them. putting me into shits that i've been trying to avoid, i'm just tired. i don't wanna feel the same thing over and over again, being lied to, lied to someone, crying all night in bed. i've had enough.
so this heart of mine, he has been there for me since two months ago (almost to three) and i'm glad he's just mine. he never left till today. he tried to know me well though he knows i'm that complicated to be with. i'm such a burden, i'm just so hard to be with. but he took the challenge, willing to take the risk to be with me. to be honest, sometimes i feel like he's mine but there's still a time i feel like he's someone's (for some particular reasons) that is just a part of my negative thoughts. no matter how much i try to stop this negative thoughts of mine, i know deep inside i would still think of it. i just hope he's gonna stay for real. i just hope he's real. i just want things to be better in me, in us. i just hope we'll get through everything together unlike what happened in the past.
thanks for all the good things that happened and thanks for all the bad things too that makes me stronger than i was before.