everything has changed

those words i really hate to say or to even talk about it 'everything has changed'. exactly, everything has changed in a blink of an eye. and the worst part is, you yourself don't know what's the reason. out of sudden, someone treat you cold and not being the way he used to before. you tried to find the reason but all you get is pain. you just feel like you're useless in everything, worthless and that's why they treat you different in a way you get hurt. 

you don't know what to do you don't know what to feel because your chest has a hole. the old hole in your chest  has becme bigger. and you wonder where it all went wrong. the hole in your chest makes you wake up in the middle of the night and cry. and you sleep late every night because of the non stop 'negative thoughts'. you can't sleep well at night because you're afraid of losing someone in your life. like you did in the past. 

no matter how hard you try to sleep, you just can't because it hurts you a lot. so you cover your whole body with blanket and cry under it. and pretend you have a flu so that no one sees and knows you're crying. you keep everything in yourself that night while listening to songs that remind you of that one person. and wake up in the morning with your puffy eyes but hoping no one's gonna ask why. because you're not ready to tell what happen. but deep inside, you really feel like sharing every single thing you feel inside to them. well at least, you let everything out and not keeping it to yourself only. 

you hate how 'EX' comes into your relationship and ruin it. because knowing that your partner isn't fully move on, it hurts you like your chest has been cut into pieces. what to do? you try your best. you try harder but you get nothing. can fcking 'EX' stays 'EX'?! is that what you're hoping for? A BIG YES! 

and so this puffy eyes, will remain puffy eyes. forever. because you haven't found the real happiness you thought you found it already.