the thoughts

i woke up in the middle of the night last night that i felt the pain in my chest, as in someone was stabbing me right on the chest. i couldn't breath properly, my chest was in pain it hurts badly that i couldn't get back to sleep, i didn't want to go back to the dream i had. i missed him.

while istighfar, putting hands on my chest but the pain was still there. my thoughts were all over the room, were all over my body that it got into the chest. i woke up straight for subuh, i prayed & still prayed for the same thing over & over again. & i asked Him for you over & over again. how much it hurts that things are changing slowly.

i wasn't ready & i am still not ready. the fact that this pain is still under construction, i couldn't say a word to anyone, i couldn't blame for what had happened. but i am blamming my self for not staying strong when things get tough.

my chest is still in pain thinking that i would get over it while going to class this morning, but it got even tougher. i was walking alone & things were starting to play on mind. i cried over the same thing every single day. i rejected people's whatsapp, text, dm, just cause i've lost the mood in looking through my phone. how could one be so fine after becoming the reason for someone's pain?